Movie review "Unfriended - Dark Web"...

The 'Purge' mixed with evil hackers and exceptionally stupid millennials. A nice paced drama and showing the extent of how your life can be invaded by the internet. I give it a seven out of ten for making you think twice about how you use your computer.

Movie review "Alpha"...

A story about how ancient man came to use dogs as pets. The move was kind of slow paced and the rest was pretty good. I give it a seven out of ten for the acting of the wolf.


"Skyscraper"...

A sappy Chinese version of 'Diehard' with Dwayne Johnson make several attempts to fall off a tall building. Bruce Willis just did it much better. I give it a five out of ten for the words "I love you" being stated forty-seven times.

"Ant-Man and Wasp Woman"...

Paul Rudd is a goofy, sappy, Walt Disney bitch that is making a sad attempt at being a superhero. An illogical choppy storyline filled with a lot of fighting and getting big and small. I give it a three out of ten for making me wish a villain could just kill them all.

"Purge The First"...

A movie based on the premise all white people and the government are evil and need to be killed by upstanding black people.If the roles in the movie were reversed, this would be called a blatantly racist film. I give it a two out of ten for the machine gun drones.


Movie review "Incredibles 2"...


If you are above the age of three or prone to seizures, you will find this an incredible waste of time. Yet another Disney cookie cutter with a lot of screaming and jumping around. I give it a three out of ten for the all men are 'stupid' theme throughout the movie.

Movie review "Jurassic World - Fallen Kingdom"...


OK, all dinosaurs want to do is eat each other and chase humans who make incredibly stupid decisions. If you love two hours of people screaming run and dinosaurs ripping people in half this is your movie, I did not. I give it a two out of ten for basically being the same movie for the third time in a row.


Movie review "Tag"...


What is it about grown men behaving like children that is so captivating? A variation of a Jack ass theme with plenty of laughs along the way with guys being dumb. I give it an eight out of ten for Jeremy Renner breaking both arms while filming trying to not get tagged.


Movie review "Hotel Artemis"...

A weird futuristic film that involved Jody Foster in a role that was simply strange. Jeff Goldblum and the big guy from 'Guardians' could not save this movie. I give it a five out of ten for the chick that beat the crap out of everybody.

Movie review "Upgrade"...

A sci-fi movie that was a mixture of 'Blade Runner' and "Punisher'. Gratuitous violence mixed with a storyline that gives several interesting twists and turns. I give it a nine out of ten for the evil stubs computer.


Movie review "Solo - Star Wars"...

Solo, no go, Ron Howard dumbo, boring Disney cookie cutter with too much clutter. The movie was ok but just packed with trying to get the political correctness formula into every aspect of the movie. I give it a six out of ten for making me fall asleep halfway through.

Movie review "Adrift"...

A true story based on a wrecked sailboat and how they survived. What happens when you find your soulmate and they go through trauma? I give it an eight out of ten for the ending and how people move on from tragedy.


Movie review "Deadpool 2"...


A collage of snarky remarks mixed with a cavalcade of story shifts and characters nobody cares about. This film fell out of the top of a politically correct tree and hit every limb on the way down. I give it a seven out of ten for a death scene that was more irritating than funny.


Movie review "Book Club"...


Ok, this movie made me its bitch!  Great movie with funny lines and a great message on many levels about moving on with life and finding happiness.  I give it a ten out of ten for showing old women get horny from reading 'Fifty Shades'.


Movie review "Rampage"...


I expected nothing but was pleasantly surprised as it was an exciting movie with a lot of twists and turns.  This will have no Oscar nominations, but if you want a fun exciting film this is a must see.  I give it a seven out of ten for the white King Kong and flying wolf.


Movie review "Avengers: Infinity War"...

 

The apple dumpling gang versus the gunslinger from Westworld.  A clunky insertion of every Marvel character on the face of the earth who are all fighting for lines to say. I give it a seven out of ten for making Black Panther the shortest lived superhero.


Movie review "Truth or dare"...


A very gratifying millennial murder porn feature in which seeing them die is merciful to their acting abilities. The movie actually caused me to cheer every time someone died.  I give it a three out of ten for the funky faces.


Movie review "Overboard"...


A Mexican flipped version of Overboard that if you have seen the original, is more like fingernails raking across a chalkboard. Even the dumbest Mexican on the face of the earth would not agree too what she told him.  I give it a one out of ten for pooping all over a great movie with this completely insipid remake.

 

Movie review "A Quiet Place"...


A film about mentally challenged people who continue to make noise to get monsters kill them.  There were so many places in this movie where I wanted to stand up and scream, "Why are you doing that??". I give it a one out of ten for taking them two years to discover that you could just shoot the monsters in the head.


Movie review "Life of the Party"...


This movie contained the three "S" trifecta; sappy, silly, stupid, with McCarthy talking non-stop. This was written as revenge divorce porn for whatever wrongly divorced person would like to see happen.  I give it a two out of ten for documenting the downhill slide of Melissa McCarthy's career.  

 

Movie review "Blockers"...

 

A cacophony of imbeciles trying to be funny while poorly acting like teenagers and adults.  If projectile vomiting is hilarious to you then don't miss this movie.  I give it a three out of ten for a few funny lines mixed with a lot of stupid stuff. 

 

Movie review "Miracle Season"...

 

A movie based on a true story of how dead volleyball players make winning seasons! A pretty good film overall that shows how to move on from loss and grief.  I give it a seven out of ten for making me appreciate those in my life.   

 

Movie review "I Feel Pretty"...

 

Basically, this is the story of 'Dumbo' except with people.  This is a much better effort from Schumer with a better story and a good statement about life and self-esteem.  I give it an eight out of ten for the naked scene alone.

 

 Movie review "Player One"...

 

A futuristic 'Avatar' mixed with 'Second Life' in which characters come to life in simulations and look the way they wish.  Spielberg does this one well with good character development and many funny lines along with a pretty good story.  I give it a nine out of ten for great 1980's homage to music and game characters.

 

Movie review "Unsane"...

 

A thriller about being put in circumstances that are out of your control in a mental institution.  Well acted with twists and turns that have you guessing what is real. I give it an eight out of ten for making me never want to enter a Behavioral Health Center.

 

Movie review "Pacific Realm Uprising"...

 

Ok, I hate Transformers, but this was just a pretty good movie! Good character development, funny lines and self-effacing heroes made it a fun movie to watch. I give it an eight out of ten for Scott Eastwood, he was a good fit for this film.  

 

Movie review "Strangers"...

 

Ever see the Geico commercial about bad horror movies? Well, they could have used this film instead. I was actually rooting for the ax murder to do the merciful thing and please end these stupid people lives. I give it a three out of ten for the truck, i lived the flaming truck.

 

Movie review "Red Sparrow"...

 

Jennifer Lawrence really likes to smoke cigarettes and get naked without having sex. Let's see Russians are evil, Americans can turn them into good people.  I give it a three out of ten as I don't smoke and her body is not that good.

 

Movie review "Tomb Raider"...

 

So this chick wants to not admit her father is dead so she finds him and causes him to get killed.  A lot of running and running and running and everything she was told not to do she did.  I give it a four out of ten for being way too long and wishing she would trip and fall.

 

Movie review "Gringo"...

 

A try to comedy that really was not that funny as it made fun of a man for trying to be a good person.  The message seemed to be evil wins most of the time.  I give it a five out of ten for making me wish I was not watching the demise of a person and laughing about it. 

 

Movie review "A Wrinkle in Time"...

 

More like a wrinkle in the careers of Oprah and Witherspoon.  An obnoxious convoluted move that seemed to have no direction other than weird people. I give it a two out of ten for the person that had the idea to use a bedazzler on Oprah's face.

 

Movie review Death Wish...

Bruce Willis attempts the remake of the death wish series where happy people get killed and need revenge porn. Get ready for some really gross murder scenes and the ending is somewhat predictable. I give it a seven out of ten for making the bad guys lose once again.

Movie review Game Night...

Jason Batemen is in fine form in this offbeat sarcastic comedy. Great characters and good script that will keep you guessing till the end. I give it a nine out of ten for making me laugh out loud more than once, especially the bullet removal scene.

 

Annihilation...

 

An alien end of the world movie that is so bad you either walk out or want to kill yourself.  Portman apparently could not turn down the paycheck thinking her career would cover her ass.

 

Black Panther...

 

"Shaft" in leotards whipping everyone's ass with his girls to back him up.  Good movie with interesting new weapons and suit. I give it an eight out of ten for being tongue in cheek fun with a positive ending. 

 

15:17 To Paris...

 

Clint Eastwood forgot how to make a movie or is he just getting old? Tedious, long movie with terrible acting and less of a script.  I give it a two out of ten for taking a great story and screwing it up.  

 

Fifty Shades Freed...

 

I consider this the best of the series with more of a story line.  The BDSM was less with mostly just sexual scenes.  I give it an eight out of ten for having a few twists and turns and interesting toys.  

 

Hostiles...

 

I expected less and actually got a lot more.  A well-done film that shows how life can turn out completely different than what you expect. I give it a ten out of ten for being a story, soldiers and survivors can truly relate to.

 

Proud Mary...

 

I poor start at trying to make a black woman be a bad ass.  Predictable plot and absolutely horrid acting.  I give it a two out of ten for making me roll my eyes till I nearly passed out.

 

Insidious: The Last Key

 

OK, so all bad spirits want to chase and kill people.  In the movie, they were not very good at either.  I give it a one out of ten for making me go to sleep.

 

The Commuter...

 

"Taken" with a train in which an old man pretends he can beat up young people. Predictable and insipid the plot was totally predictable.  I give it a three out of ten for making me want the train to crash.

 

The Post...

 

Fisty hours worth of information crammed into two hours of cluttered actors trying to crawl over the top of each other to make a scene. Meryl Strep played a rich old lady, how thrilling and what a stretch for her! I give it a two out of ten for making me want to burn newspaper and the poor development of a great story.

 

Molly's Game...

 

A movie based on a true story about a girl that managed card games for poker. It has some interesting twists and shows how greed never solves anything. I give it a eight out of ten for teaching me about gambling.

 

12 Strong...

 

Basically a war masturbation movie. If you like to watch endless machine-gunning of men dressed in curtains this is your movie.  I give it a three out of ten for the inability to hit a target ten yards away on both parties.

 

Den of Thieves...

 

A dark movie that gives no happy ending.  Everyone is screwing everyone for money, I give it a five out of ten for being predictable.

2018 Movie REVIEWS

"Why waste time on bad movies?"

Reviews for 2018 that are updated on a weekly basis.  I generally see movies one to two weeks before they come out so check here before you go, to see my latest reviews.

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