Movie review "Wonder"...


A predictable movie with a sixty year old woman trying to pretend to be a thirty something.  Movies where people pretend tp be parents when it is apparent they have never raised children are irritating. I give it a five out of ten for the acting of the boy.


Movie review "Three Billboards"...


A movie about survival, revenge, and frustration.  Everyone in this movie did not get what they wanted and wound up basically doing something else.  I give it a six out of ten for an ending that resolved nothing.


Movie review "Just Getting Started"...


It is sad to see the demise of such great actors to result in this train wreck.  There are some things you just can't be paid enough money to do but apparently not for these elderly.  I give it a two out of ten for a script that was complete elder abuse.  


Movie review "COCO"...


A church cartoon to explain Mexican mysticism as it relates to 'Day of the Dead', It was uncomfortable to see Disney teaching children that candles and a photograph prevents your dead relatives from evaporating. I give it a six out of ten for cute characters including multicolored spirit demons.


Movie review "Justice League"...


Yet another bowl movement of superheroes that was delivered in constipated little turds of trying to introduce each character.  A poorly done clunky film with pretty people and the uncreative theme of good guys somehow always defeat bad guys. I give it a one out of ten even though this dog will make one hundred million because people have nothing better to do. 


Movie review "Murder on the Orient Express"... 


Imagine an intelligent "Inspector Clouseau" and a gaggle of famous movie stars buried in a convoluted murder mystery. I wanted to commit suicide at least three times before it got the insipid ending.  I give it a three out of ten for making me beg them to end this debacle.


Movie review "Thor Ragnarok"...


I have been exhausted by the horrid superhero movies lately but this was a huge change of pace.  Someone actually went out and hired some good writers to build character and have the heroes make fun of themselves. I give it a nine out of ten for a great story and fun movie. 


Movie review "Daddy's Home 2"...


A silly, funny, kind of stupid movie that is good if you want to stay in the shallow comedy holiday movie genre. Some great lines and funny skits with good actors getting together for a laugh.  I give it an seven out of ten for keeping it light with a nice holiday getaway.


Movie review "Thank you for your service"...


A true story portrayal of how our veterans are screwed over by the government they were willing to give their lives for. A sad reality of twenty-two veterans committing suicide each day is something you must be aware of.  I give it a ten out of ten for helping the public know what is happening to the men who love our country most. 


Movie review "Foreigner"...


Yet another great revenge porn movie with Jackie Chan basically playing Clint Eastwood.  Something only seen in the movies; complete justice with all the bad guys done in. I give it an eight out of ten for good pacing and story.  


Movie review "Snowman"...

A two-hour murder mystery story to show how deeply Michael Fassbender is addicted to cigarettes. The constant lighting and blowing smoke made me completely forget the actual plot of the movie. I give it a two out of ten for showing how stupid pretty people look chain smoking.


Movie review "Happy Death Day"...


Think about 'Groundhog Day' except getting murdered at the end of every day by a team mascot. This was a well-done movie for the theme with an interesting twist at the end. I give it a seven out of ten for being a good murder chick flick.


Movie review "Bladerunner 2"...


A dark dystopian sci-fi story with fantastic scenery along with amazing special effects that is based on a five-minute storyline that is three hours long.  I feel asleep twice. I give it a five out of ten simply for Harrison Ford.


Movie review "American Made"...


A revealing story about how Nancy Reagan started "Just say no to Drugs" While her husband created the drug cartels.  This will never be a popular movie as it tells too much/  I give it a nine out of ten for helping explain the history our government wants you to forget.


Movie review "Kingsman 2"...


A muddled cacophony of absurd storylines and macabre humor mixed with two minutes of Channing Tatum and an evil Burt Reynolds look alike. The interpretation of Kentucky as Texas and southern people was mind-numbing. I give it a three out of ten for wasting my time.     


Movie review "Mother"...


Take anxiety pills before you go to this movie as you will find you want to scream at some point.  The director seemed to think extreme close-ups of Jennifer Lawrence face while bouncing the camera would be amazing. I give this a one out of ten for attempting to drive me crazy before the ending.


Movie review "American Assassin"...


A revenge murder movie with the villain being terrorists and Michael Keaton being a bad ass. The characters really did not seem to like each other and the story was somewhat jumbled between the killing everyone.  I give it a five out of ten for being predictable and boring.


Movie review "IT"...


A mixture of Goonies, Stranger Things, bullying, rape, incest, racism, parent murder, Jews, and a little something about a creepy clown. Such a waste of a great evil character with a jumbled mess of political correctness.  I give it a six out of ten for the waste of a great evil clown.


Movie review "Lucky Logan"...


Imagine throwing a handful of quality actors at a redneck comedy in which no one knew how to act like a redneck and due to the script, they are not funny.  This is like nightmare in "Talladega Nights" with such a waste of talent.  I give it a six out of ten for the little girl who stole the show.  


Movie review "Kidnapped"...


Haley Berry answers the question, "How many people would you kill to save your child?"  An over the top action movie that makes little sense with bad decisions and impossible plot twists. I give it a three out of ten for turning Haley into an aborigine by the end of the movie. 


Movie review "Hitman's Bodyguard"...


A romantic murder movie that you can take your girl to and still get your needed mayhem.  Jackson and Reynolds have good chemistry as Jackson makes MF an almost basic part of the vocabulary.  I give it a nine out of ten for the idea that love conquers all even if you have to kill everyone.   


Movie review "Annabelle-Creation"...


A much better horror movie than I expected with some good gotcha scenes. Why these children continued to go back to the room where the doll attacked them without turning on the light kind of got tiring almost in a funny way.  I give it a seven out of ten for scaring me a little and asking the characters why they keep messing with the doll.


Movie review "Black Tower"...


You have to read the book to understand much of this movie, I did not. I spent most of the movie trying to figure out who the actual bad guy was and why he wanted to destroy the universe. I give it a four out of ten for having done less with so much more.


Movie review "Girls Night Out"...


If your cup of tea is watching women talk filthy and behave worse then you will love this movie. I think if it as a bad "Hangover" for black women.  I give it a five out of ten as it is not my cup of tea.


Movie review "Dunkirk"...


The better title is 'Dumb-Kirk' as it would appear the director had some type of fetish for killing rats in a barrel except using humans instead. Horrible music and dog fights using primarily close ups of pilot's faces instead of showing the fight. I give this a two out of ten for making me want watch a real war movie.

 

Movie review "War for the Planet of the Apes"...


Imagine a horribly slow paced mixture of 'Malcolm X' and 'Hogans Heroes' except with monkeys. The angry monkey look on Cesar's face wore thin after two hours and more, monkeys are just not good actors. I give this a five out of ten for making me never want to go the zoo again.


Movie review "Wish"...


Yet another recycled horror movie where a box is bad with "Final Destination" overtones. The primary protagonist proved that bad acting cannot save a predictable script.  I give it a six out of ten for the ending as it made me say thank god!


Movie review "Spiderman Homecoming"...


Ok, it is getting to a point where the cartoon characters are saying, "Really that is impossible even for me." The new millennial Spiderman exhausted me with his illogical ability to over come gravity and basic physics while appearing to be surprised about ten thousand times. I give it a four out of ten for hold a gun to Robert Downy's head to force him to try and save this bomb.   


Movie review "Atomic Blond"...


A slow paced two-hour cigarette commercial based on a spy movie.  A true he woman man-hater movie to work out your revenge issues.  I give it a six out of ten for the gratuitous violence and the creative ways of killing people (men). 


Movie review "House"...


A silly, goofy, sappy, film that is kind of fun and pretty good after all. If your a Will Ferrell fan or Amy Poller you will like this, if not probably hate it.  I give it a six out of ten for the amputation scenes alone. 


Movie review "Baby Driver"...


Think of 'Footloose' except with cars and you will get into this movie.  The story has a good rhythm and keeps you rooting for the good guy.  I give it an eight out of ten for the best over the top car driving in the first scene!


Movie review "Transformers - The Last Knight"...


It seems apparent Michael Bay has developed a severe addiction to cocaine.  This movie is a collection of chaos from start to finish of a drug addled brain. I give a one out of ten because out of five sequels no one can figure out that machine guns do not hurt robots.  


Movie review "47 Meters Down"...


An edge of the seat thrill ride from start to finish. One of the best suspense movies that you will see involving underwater, sharks, and women.  I give it a ten out of ten for nearly putting me under my seat more than once!

 

Movie review "Mummy"...

 

Apparently, Tom Cruise is still trying to work out his personal issues by making movies about himself.  Let's see, evil mummy stopped by bad guy who finds redemption by sacrificing himself, poor Tommy. I give it a seven out of ten for good CGI and evil mummy.   

 

Movie review "Wonder Woman"...

 

Another superhero movie with a bit of a heart and good story.  The characters had good charisma and the message of love was a positive one.  I give it an eight out of ten for a fairly positive setup to the next comic book hero.

 

Movie review "Rough Night"...

 

A mix of Weekend at Bernie's with Hangover but instead with women, poor taste, and not funny.  This movie is a statement that all women are stupid, sex-starved, druggies that accidentally kill people. I give it a two out of ten for insulting the human race.  

 

Movie review "Alien Covenant"...

 

A further telling of the Alien story by connecting 'Prometheus' to the original Alien and showing how they were created.  It was a good space movie and the story was interesting.  I give it an eight out of ten simply for killing James Franco in the first five minutes.

 

Movie review "Baywatch"...

 

IF you are a fan of Baywatch you will love this movie, if not you might like it anyway. Lots of beautiful bodies with a story that did not take itself seriously.  I give it a seven out of ten for the morgue scene alone.

 

Movie review "Pirates of the Caribbean 5"...

 

I found this to be a fun movie with some funny twists and turns, much better than the last couple.  While it was long Depp was in fine form and there was good casting with the characters.  I give it an eight out of ten for simple being entertaining.

 

Movie review "Everything, Everything"....

 

'Bubble Boy', except with a girl and without the comedy with love and romance mixed in.  I went in expecting less and yet got a lot more with a good story that left me with a smile on my face. I give it a nine out of ten for the belief that love prevails.

 

Movie review "King Arthur"...

 

A retelling of how King Arthur came to be along with some pretty good 3D. The film has fantastic scenery along with a great escape from reality and the belief that good conquers evil.  I give it an eight out of ten for King Arthur's abs.

 

Movie review "Guardians of the Galaxy 2"...

 

The first 'Guardians' was fantastic, this was everything it was not.  Predictable plot with forced funny lines and actors that seemed to be thinking what the hell are we doing here.  I give this a five out of ten for being so contrived I walked out the last five minutes.

 

Movie review "Unforgettable"...

 

One of the best crazy ex-movies since 'Fatal Attraction' that makes you think twice about dating.  A good story, though a bit predictable,  that builds intensity right to the end.  I give it an eight out of ten for reminding me just how evil people can be. 

 

Movie review "Going in Style"...

 

Yet another in the old farts do something that old farts do not normally do series.  This one seemed a bit tired and recycled with a few chuckles and of course the mandatory happy ending. I give it a six out of ten for the good message about friends. 

 

Movie review "The Fate of the Furious"...

 

If you are a "Furious" groupie you will love this film with it's shallow plot but crazy car stunts that blow you away.  Diesel and Rock are in fine form going through at least a dozen sleeveless shirts sized to fit a six-year-old. I give it an eight out of ten for the kung fu baby fight never to be seen or repeated again.

 

Movie review "Gifted"...

 

God, Captain America and a genius math child get in a custody battle and save a one-eyed cat.  A heavy handed chick flick with lots of crying and funny one liners.  I give it a five out of ten for having a six-year-old bitch slap an adult over and over again. 

 

Movie review "Life"...

I badly done space movie about a killer starfish and how weightless people can pull themselves through large tubes. Jake G. comes off as doing another flop for cash. I give it a three out of ten for killing Ryan Reynolds in the first five minutes...Nobody puts Ryan in the corner.

 

Movie review "Chips-Chip Happens"...

 

I typically hate remakes about tv series but this movie made me it's bitch.  Great charisma between actors and an excellent script that kept you laughing from start to finish.  I give it a nine out of ten for making something old worth seeing again!

 

Movie review "Belko Experiment"...

 

A mixture of Purge and Saw with gratuitous violence intermixed with compromised morality.  I found it a type of political statement regarding current events. I give it a six out of ten for showing us how to make America great again.

 

Movie review "Beauty and the Beast"...

 

Basically a twelve-year-old falling in love with Satan Bigfoot.  I have now heard singing and music that was even much worse than La La Land. I give it a two out of ten for putting me and most of the children attending to sleep.

 

Movie review "Kong: Skull Island"...

 

A great legacy and story that is extremely difficult to screw up, well they did it a little bit. Great seventies setting and music, excellent Kong, monsters, and actors.  I give it a seven out of ten for a girl trying to lift a helicopter and colonel killing all his men for no reason.

 

Movie review "Logan"...

 

The x-men died two movies ago the rest died in this movie in this bloated piece of crap.  Apparently, a screeching child involved in graphic murder porn is supposed to be entertaining.  I give it a two out of ten for making us think a 2016 dodge pickup sells for $8,000 along with several other incredulous breaches of logic.

 

Movie review "The Shack"...

 

A Christian propaganda film that shows how all suffering can be solved if you don't hold God accountable and live next door to Tim McGraw. It is a long movie that with illogical assumptions that almost gave me an aneurysm. Yet I give it a six out of ten for encouraging people to move on from tragedy.

 

Movie review "Get Out"...

 

Imagine an Alfred Hitchcock horror story crashing head-on into 'The Help'; that pretty well explains this movie.  A well done suspenseful movie where macabre and crazy get worse and worse until the end of the film.  I give it and eight out of ten for building tension and keeping you guessing until the end.

 

Movie review "Great Wall"...

 

An action, sci-fi, alien, adventure movie based on a gay Chinese wet dream. A Saturday matinee type film that kept me wondering, "What the hell is Matt Damon doing here?" I give it a six out of ten for having nothing to do with Donald Trump.   

 

Movie review "Fist Fight"...

 

A silly comedy with moments of laughter between rolling eyes fro sheer stupidity. A wimp finding courage story with disturbing profanity from very young children. I give a six out of ten for the funny parts. 

 

Movie review "Rings"...

 

I think this name was chosen because so many have been made they lost count. A terrible script and bad actors who think expressing fear is breathing like you lost your inhaler.  I give it a one out of ten for being bored, bummed and not scared.

 

Movie review "Fifty Shades Darker"...

 

If you are a fan of 'Fifty' you will love this movie with its mix of bondage along with a love story.  I find the movie well made following the book and the script made for a worth seeing film.  I give it an eight out of ten simply for creating the new term "kinky fuckery".

 

Movie review "John Wick: Chapter 2"...

 

If you have been screwed over and want to find a way to vent your frustration this is the movie for you. This is no chick flick with non-stop action from start to finish.  I give it a nine out of ten for gratuitous graphic revenge murder porn from start to finish. 

 

Movie review "Resident Evil: The final Chapter"

 

I always loved the RE series as each movie seemed to put effort into the story, this one failed miserably.  This is what happens when you allow gamers to write a movie that makes no sense but shoots and fights a lot of monsters.  I give it a two out of ten for raping Alice like Spielberg raped Indiana Jones... 

 

Movie review "Gold"...

 

'Wolf of Wall Street" except without the pretty girls and convoluted by a bad script that left you bored. A waste of great actors and talent while apparently trying to save a buck by using cheap writers. I give it a five out of ten for not trying harder.  

 

Movie review "La La Land"...

 

A broadway play, musical, and love story stuffed into a movie.  It started slow, with the beginning making no sense as it related to the movie. I give it a seven out of ten for the message about lost love.

 

Movie review "Hidden Fences"...

 

A great movie that shows how white people supported people for their intellect rather than the color of their skin. The story was informative as well as positive about human relations.  I give it and eight out of ten for showing a positive way for people to help each other.

 

Movie review "Split"...

 

A mixture of Psycho and Sybil that will keep you on the edge of your seat from start to finish.  An interesting explanation of DID along with a commentary about the effects of abuse make this a must see movie.  I give it a nine out of ten for keeping me guessing what was next from start to finish.

 

Movie review "Bye Bye Man"...

 

A badly done Freddie Kruger meets Jason kill youth movie.  The only way this works is if you root for the villain to kill as many stupid teenagers as possible. I give it a two out of ten for the bad script and worse acting.  

   

Movie review "A Dog's Life"...

 

If you are an animal lover, into animal reincarnation, and dogs that talk with being more intelligent than the humans, then you will love this movie. I did not and it seriously made me consider abusing animals.  I give it a four out of ten for being a kids movie to drag your parents to. 

 

Movie review "Patriot Day"...

 

I have yet to see a Peter Berg movie that is not a ten as he is the master at telling a great story.  This story of the Boston Marathon bombing brings together fascinating facts about the lives of so many affected.  I give it a ten out of ten for explaining the courage of so many.  

 

Movie review "Silence"...

Apparently, Martin Scorsese fell out of a born again tree and hit every limb on the way down. This film proves that if you invade a country and attack their culture, bad things happen to your and your followers. I give this a two out of ten for being the most graphic example of Christian masturbation since 'Passion of the Christ', even so, Martin, you are no Mel.

 

Movie review "Fences"...

 

An unhappy movie of a black version of Archie Bunker.  The message seemed your past excuses your present mistakes. I give it a five out of ten for presenting a story I just did not care to see.

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Reviews for 2017 that are updated on a weekly basis.  I generally see movies one to two weeks before they come out so check here before you go, to see my latest reviews.

2017 Movie REVIEWS

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