ZOMBIE PICK FOR BEST MOVIE OF 2016 


Moonlight, the Oscar winner for best picture took in $23.5 million and basically, no one watched it. 

My movie picks along with Box Office for 2016 are as follows with the winner being Deadpool as the best movie to watch in 2016!

Movie review "Hacksaw Ridge"... $175 million
A war movie about heroes and choices that is masterfully told and directed.  Gibson does and excellent job with character development while bringing forth the reality of battle.  I give it a ten out of ten for explaining that heroes do not have to carry a gun. 

Movie review "Don't Breath"... $89 million
A survival/horror movie that keeps you on the edge of your seat from start to finish. This is a well-told story with good actors and a great bad guy.  I give it a ten out of ten for the best bad dog scene since Cujo.  

Movie review "Sully"... $125 million
Clint Eastwood once again weaves an excellent story with key talent.  Hanks gives and Oscar-worthy performance in a well-paced movie that kept you interested from start to finish.  I give it a ten out of ten for showing people at their best even when it is not easy.

Movie review "The Shallows"... $55 million
OMG, this is the best shark movie since Jaws!! The drama and suspense of this survival film keeps you on the edge of your seat from start to finish. I give it a ten out of ten for showcasing a director that knows how to make you squirm in your seat.

Movie review "The Secret Life of Pets".... $368 million
I walked in grumbling about another cartoon kid's movie at which this film made me it's bitch. A fantastic adult animation movie that kept me laughing from start to finish, the best I have seen in five years. I give it a ten out of ten for reminding me why I love movies and the gangster rabbit.

Movie review "Deadpool".... $363 million
A funny, action hero, gory, romantic, marvel comic movie that is pedal to the metal from start to finish.  Sometimes it is fun to relax and enjoy a good fun action movie.  I give it a ten out of ten for snarkiness alone. 
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Movie review "Why Him"...


This is a gross, dirty, nasty, shocking and hilarious movie that is definitely not for kids, yet was much funnier than I expected. Cranston and Franco are in fine form as they drive each other crazy in this Christmas story.  I give it a nine out of ten for the toilet scene alone, let the reader use discernment. 


Movie review “Star Wars – Rogue 1”…

More like ‘Star Bore – Recycle 1’, this movie seemed a combination of Space Balls and the soundtrack from a 1979 Sega Star Wars game. It appears in this universe good and evil can only be bad actors with worse accents in a totally predictable script. I give it a three out of ten for R2D2 being the only one in the series that understands the basic concept of computer hacking.

Movie review “Passengers”…

 A well-written film that is a love story set to a space theme.  It is well-paced with drama and adventure including a bartender droid that is entertaining.  I give it a nine out of ten by deducting one point for the total overacting of Jennifer Lawrence.  


Movie review "Collateral Beauty"...


A story about moving on from tragedy in life.  This well-done movie will make you think about a lot of things you have to be thankful for in your life.  I give it a nine out of ten for making great thinking points about love, time, and death.


Movie review "Iron Will"...


A well done, Nashville-based documentary that traces PTSD with veterans and how they are affected.  The stories were visceral and assisted the audience to understand their suffering. I give this a nine out of ten for giving a voice to those that suffer.  


Movie review "Bad Santa 2"....


The original 'Bad Santa" was an effortless story about the bad side of Christmas, this movie just tried too hard and it seemed they were trying to force it to work. Some funny lines mixed with uncomfortable moments that did not seem to fit.  Even so I give it a seven out of ten for bringing back Thurman, but not knowing exactly what to do with him.  


Movie review "Allied"...


A sad movie that seems more of a tragic French love story set to a British theme.  The story was slow paced and at times boring, yet, you kept waiting for something to happen that explained why they were there.  I give it a seven out of ten for showing extremely good looking people making mistakes. 


Movie review "Fantastic Beasts..."...


Imagine a kind of slow paced Harry Potter movie with the bar scene from Star Wars stuffed into a suitcase.  If you are a 'Potterhead' you will love this movie if not you may find it a bit slow and predictable.  I give it an eight out of ten for interesting animals and good characters.


Movie review "Space"...


A romantic, teenybopper, space movie, sprinkled with some powerful themes about love and family.  The story line is a bit choppy but pulls you in toward the end to make this a movie worth seeing.  I give it an eight out of ten for showing we all have the opportunity to find true love even if it is a million miles away.


Movie review "Arrival"...


A slow paced story that presented mankind as too stupid to deal with aliens, sound familiar? The last thirty minutes was flash forwards and flashbacks to present the concept that having a child is the meaning to life. I give it a three out of ten for making me think about harming children before the movie was over. 


Movie review "Doctor Strange"...


Another comic book character brought to the big screen with a predictable superior weapon that he waits to use till the end of the movie. (yawn) A few funny lines along the way and some cool weapons to defend the evil apocalypse.  I give it a seven out of ten for the inception ripoff and the bald headed woman.  


Movie review "Hacksaw Ridge"...


A war movie about heroes and choices that is masterfully told and directed.  Gibson does and excellent job with character development while bringing forth the reality of battle.  I give it a ten out of ten for explaining that heroes do not have to carry a gun. 


Movie review "Inferno"...


Imagine eight hours of National Treasure and Jeopardy crammed into a two-hour movie.  Ron Howard's crack habit has apparently robbed him of the ability for character development, storytelling, and musical score. I give this a three out of ten for editing so poor, Hank's wears a watch on a couch and then fifteen seconds later claims he lost it. 


Movie review "Keeping Up With the Jones"...


A silly comedy/spy movie that was not as good as 'Spy' but gives you a few chuckles none the less.  The characters all seemed to have good chemistry and the story kept you interested.  I give it a seven out of ten for the smile on my face at the end and the back seat car chase scene.


Movie review "Ouija: Origin of Evil"...


Apparently, demons all want to possess children so they can kill people and be connected to Nazis. If that is a story line that appeals to you then this movie is a must see.  I give it a five out of ten for the great classic cars that were featured in the movie. 


Movie review "Priceless"...


A Christian/movie/commercial about human trafficking and how to donate assist.  This covered a dark topic with a fairly decent story and acting.  I give it a seven out of ten for communicating an important issue that needs our education and attention. 


Movie review "Jack Reacher 2"...


Tom Cruise apparently has a lot of personal issues that he tried to express in this movie.  He gets his ass kicked, women tell him what to do but he  goes ahead and saves them, finds a daughter he never had that loves him anyway and leaves without pursuing a relationship though he has options. I give it a six.five out of ten for raping a great character to deal with emotional problems.


Movie review "The Edge of Seventeen"...


An entertaining movie about teens and the struggles they experience along with some funny scenarios. A good movie to take your teenagers to and maybe relating to their experiences.  I give it a seven out of ten for Woody's suicide note. 


Movie review "The Accountant"...


An interesting film that explains certain aspects of autism and how they function. The story had good pacing and some interesting twists and turns mixed with graphic violence. I give it an eight out of ten for setting up a sequel/series as we want to see more of this character. 

 

Movie review "Young Frankenstein"...

 

Back on the big screen and as funny as ever.  Movies like this make you miss great writing, truly funny facial expressions, and massive sexual innuendo.  I give it a ten out of ten for humor that will have people laughing one hundred years from now.    

 

Movie review "Middle School - The worst years of my life"...

 

This was the worst two hours of my life trying to endure this piece of rubbish. This is basically a two-hour sitcom with stupid characters reeling of snarky one-liners that are not funny. I give it a one out of ten for insulting all youth in middle school.

 

Movie review "Storks"....

 

If you are over the age of three I think this movie might cause brain damage.  Yet another cookie cutter kids film with generic story line and characters. I give it a four out of ten for the schizophrenic red head.

  

Movie review "The Girl on The Train"...

 

A strange depressing movie about murder, alcoholics, voyeurs, and consummate exhibitionists. Yet another plot-holed disjointed story that makes you wish you were somewhere else.  I give it a two out of ten for the make out in the kitchen scene.    

 

Movie review "Miss Peregrine's School for Peculiar Children"...

 

A weird story about peculiar powered children set in a Walt Disney/horror/adult type movie. I think some of the monsters might give children nightmares.  I give it a seven out of ten for showing that fourteen-year-olds can fall in love and be together forever.

 

Movie review "Snowden"...

 

A story based on the real-life events of the person that leaked the NSA abuse of data procurement from the unknowing public.  The question offered is it ok to break the law to expose a much bigger breaking of the law?  I give it an eight out of ten for showing whistleblowers to not always get a break.  

 

Movie review "Masterminds"...

 

A funny but not hilarious movie based on a true story of the largest armored heist in history.  Can only SNL cast members make funny movies anymore? I give it a seven out of ten for the crazy outfits that make the film worth seeing.

 

Movie review "Deep Water Horizon'...

A intense drama survival film based on the BP oil spill in 2010. A well done movie that builds suspense right up to the end. I give it a nine out of ten for showing how corrupt BP cut corners and caused this to happen.

 

Movie review "The Magnificent Seven"...

 

A magnificent mixture of the 'Expendables' with 'Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid'. A great western with good chemistry between the characters that made you laugh in the midst of all the revenge.  I give it a nine out of ten for the cool way they played with their guns.

 

Movie review "Bridget Jones Baby"...

 

If you are a typical woman you will love this move, if you are a typical man you will attempt suicide before it is over. A British version of Maury Povich/Notebook that makes you understand pro-choice.  I give it a four out of ten for "Bridget" having the worst British accent on the face of the earth. 

 

Movie review "Don't Breath"...

 

A survival/horror movie that keeps you on the edge of your seat from start to finish. This is a well-told story with good actors and a great bad guy.  I give it a ten out of ten for the best bad dog scene since Cujo.  

 

Movie review "Sully"...

 

Clint Eastwood once again weaves an excellent story with key talent.  Hanks gives and Oscar-worthy performance in a well-paced movie that kept you interested from start to finish.  I give it a ten out of ten for showing people at their best even when it is not easy.

 

Movie review "Queen of Katwe"...

 

A well told story about an African girl that comes from poor surroundings to be a chess champion.  A film about a different culture and how people in poverty survive.  I give it an eight out of ten for championing the human spirit.

 

 Movie review "Blair Witch"...

 

The term 'Blair Glitch' seems more appropriate as film students operate cameras with the skill of a two-year-old. Blurry scenes and screaming mixed in with constantly saying "everything is going to be OK" does not make a scary movie.  I give it a four out of ten for the claustrophobic scene toward the end.

 

Movie review "Light Between Two Oceans"....

 

A slow paced predictable mixture of Notebook and Sommersby that made you want to kill yourself before the movie was over. The happy/tragedy tidal waves came incessantly with plot twists that were simply insipid.  I give it a three out of ten for the beautiful scenery and the incessant downhill/uphill running. 

 

Movie review "Mechanic - Resurrection"...

 

It is apparent Jason is not very informed about science or physics as this movie made my logical brain ache.  Between his clothes falling off and killing people as well as an obtuse relationship with Jessica Alba; it was just weird. I give it a five out of ten for the cut on Alba's lip that kept appearing and then disappearing each scene. 

 

Movie review "Hell or High Water"...

 

A bit of a slow paced story that was well told with great actors.  A movie that shows sometimes crime actually does pay. I give it and eight out of ten for acting, action, and the message of how banks are destroying our country. 

 

Movie review "Florence Foster Jenkins"...

 

A movie about lies, deception, and love, how wealth can buy anything.  Based on a true story of a terrible opera singer that played Carnage Hall. I give it a five out of ten for leaving me feeling sad for everyone involved.

 

Movie review "Bad Moms"...

 

Bad Mom's - Bad movie... swimsuit models with ugly children pretending to be mother's they never were to kids that don't exist. If this movie is how women really are then I am going gay.  I give it a one out of ten for insulting every one of the feminine gender.

 

Movie review "War Dogs"...

 

A film based on a true story about greed, war, morality, and stupidity. Jonah Hill gives an Oscar worthy performance as the villain with no scruples. I give a nine out of ten for showing how Bush and Cheney raped the USA for personal profit.

 

Movie review "Anthropoid"...

 

Yet another evil Nazi movie based on a true story of the invasion of Czechoslovakia. A dark movie about assassination, desperation, death and survival.  I give it an eight out of ten for documenting yet further atrocities sanctioned by Hitler. 

 

 

Movie Review "Sausage Party"...

 

The message of this film is religion is stupid, food should kill people and then have gratuitous sex.  There is a point in a movie where stupid is just not funny. I give it a three out of ten for making Selma Hyek a lesbian taco that performed on screen.

 

Movie review "Captain Fantastic"...

 

A well told, intelligent story that is a mixture of Alaskan Bush People and Grizzly Adams. A little family of non-conformists find loyalty and love. I give it a nine out of ten for having a positive message and great casting.

 

Movie review "Suicide Squad"....

 

An amazing cast of characters stuck with poor writing and a recycled save mankind from the end of the world storyline. Watching this movie was like seeing a Ferrari powered by a lawnmower engine.  I give it a six out of ten for a horribly underused Joker and giving Harley Quinn really crummy lines.  

 

Movie review "Jason Bourne"...

 

It was so heartwarming to see the producers of this movie hire cameramen with third phase Parkinson's to do the camera work for this film.If you can get past the sea sickness you have a long convoluted series of shooting and fighting scenes. I give it a two out of ten for the horrible camera work and lack of story line.

 

Movie review "Star Trek Beyond"...

 

A slow-paced start to the trekee genre that paid homage to old Spock and Anton. Bad guy loses to Kirk storyline seems a bit recycled in this action movie.  I give it a 7.5 out of ten for being good but not that good. 

 

Movie review "Lights Out"...

 

A great scary ghost and a lot of gotchas in this somewhat predictable horror film.  This movie finds a new scare of something coming for you when the lights go out.  I give it a seven out to ten for the boyfriend's method of beating the ghost.

 

Movie review "Ghostbusters 2"...

 

Basically, a two-hour SNL skit that pretends to sell girl power while making women look like stupid morons and men even dumber.  While the original Ghostbusters featured quirky smart people this was an insult to intelligence. I give it a three out of ten for committing the unforgivable sin of being in New York and ordering 'Papa John's Pizza': oh no you didn't!!!

 

Movie review "The Infiltrator"....

 

A slow paced movie based on a true story about the drug cartel and how one man used trust and friendship to bring them down. In the end, the betrayal made me feel  sadder for the bad guys. I give it a seven out of ten for being a story in which no one really wins in the end. 

 

Movie review "Swiss Army Man"...

 

A combination of 'Castaway' with 'Weekend at Bernie's' along with some necrophilia mixed with insanity and a fart fetish. Then it got weird, is it just stupid or very deep and intelligent? I give it a seven out of ten for being something completely different. 

 

Movie review "The Purge 2"....

 

A PC predictable takeover of the purge series.  The purge writers seem to be losing their grip on what got them there to begin with.  I give it a five out of ten for the cool getaway truck. 

 

Movie review "Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates"...

 

I went with low expectations and got far more than I thought.  A raunchy, funny, not for kids movie about two idiots that get out done.  I give it a seven out of ten for the girls beating out the boys in this fun film.

 

Movie review "Central Intelligence"...

 

Just when I think Keven Hart is washed up he makes me his bitch.  A really funny movie with good story line and some great comedy.  I give it an eight out of ten for making the Rock more human and a good statement about bullies.

 

Movie review "Now You See Me 2"....

 

Now I don't wish to see you anymore. Another victim of sequel laziness in which everyone shows up and then forgot what got them there to begin with.  I give it a three out of ten for a group of actors that appeared to all hate each other. 

 

Movie review "Neon Demon"....

 

I think the only demon in this film was the director.  A movie made with the premise that pretty people are far more interesting that a script of story line.  I give it a two out of ten for the pretty people.

 

Movie review "Finding Dory"...

 

A cute kids movie about a fish with short-term memory loss. The story is well told with an easy to follow plot; great for young children.  I give it a seven out of ten for the happy ending.  

 

Movie review "The Legend of Tarzan"...

 

Yet another raping of a great tale into a regurgitated politically correct version of six pack Tarzan. This Tarzan couldn't act like a monkey and barely as a human in this predictable rescue Jane story. I give it a six out of ten for the excellent bad guy and the mama gorilla.

  

Movie review "The Shallows"...

 

OMG, this is the best shark movie since Jaws!! The drama and suspense of this survival film keeps you on the edge of your seat from start to finish. I give it a ten out of ten for showcasing a director that knows how to make you squirm in your seat.

 

Movie review "Independence Day 2"....

 

'Independence Day' was a great film and this movie pooped all over it.  Apparently, Will Smith was the only actor that actually read the script and made the intelligent choice to pass. I give it a one out of ten for being a predictable 'PC' pile of crap.

 

Movie review "The BFG"....

 

Yet another Spielberg movie with great CGI and a story that appears to be written by a mentally challenged seven-year-old.  The script was inconsistent and had no continuity.  I give it a three out of ten for the CGI and nothing else.  

 

Movie review "The Secret Life of Pets"....

 

I walked in grumbling about another cartoon kid's movie at which this film made me it's bitch. A fantastic adult animation movie that kept me laughing from start to finish, the best I have seen in five years. I give it a ten out of ten for reminding me why I love movies and the gangster rabbit.

 

Movie review "Alice Through the Looking Glass"...

 

This film is confirmation that Johnny Depp has mental problems and needs some quality time in an institution.  A muddled plot with enough clown makeup to kill a mule.  I give it a three out of ten for weirdness... total weirdness. 

 

Movie review "Warcraft"...

 

A slow-paced cacophony of wizards, warriors, warlocks, and weirdos who couldn't figure out who the good guys were.  I am sure the gamers must have peed themselves just a little seeing their heroes come to life, I did not. I give it a five out of ten for and uneven attempt at trying to make a video game into a movie.

 

Movie review "Conjuring 2"....

 

A well-done film based on actual events of the Amityville of the United Kingdom. Good spooks along with some good gotchas that keep you going to the end. I give it an eight out of ten for the picture of the demon nun.

 

Movie review "X-Men - Apocalypse"...

 

Another showing of the early x-men and how they got started.  A fairly good comic book story with CGI and interesting bad guys. I give it a seven out of ten for showing how one got bald and the other got a helmet.

 

Movie review "Pop-Star - Never Stop Never Stopping"...

 

Andy Samberg does a spoof of the music industry and pulls it off.  I went with walk out expectations and stayed till the end.  I give it and eight out of ten for the silly jokes and horrid songs.

  

Movie review "Me Before You"....

 

A well-done chick flick about attractive sick and dying people.  The dragon girl from Game of Thrones does an excellent job in a well-told story. I give it nine out of ten for a positive message about seeing the big picture when it comes to love.

 

Movie review "The Meddler"...

 

A much better that expected meandering movie about family, love, and moving forward after the death of a spouse.  This was a pretty good story with a positive message about life.  I give it an eight out of ten for showing a future with hope.

 

Movie review "The-Do-Over"....

 

A Netflix buddy movie with Adam Sandler and David Spade in which they have good chemistry, look for a sequel.  One of the best Sandler movies I have seen in five years.  I give it an eight out of ten for a positive story and the old woman titties in the end.

  

Movie review "Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising"...

 

I thought the movie 'Idiocracy' had the highest concentration of stupid people in a film, I now stand corrected.  If vomit and bloody tampons in the face is something you find hilarious, this production is for you, I did not. I give this movie a one out of ten for insulting every aspect of humanity. 

 

Movie review "Money Monster"...

 

Jody Foster is a bad, bad, bad, director, if you need concrete proof, watch this movie. Roberts and Clooney should be involuntarily confined to a mental institution for agreeing to be in this film. I give it a two out of ten for the scenes of New York city and wasting two hours of my life. 

 

Movie review "The Nice Guys"...

 

A 70's PI buddy movie with a lot of funny lines and charisma between actors. I was uncomfortable with the light handed showing of child molestation and abuse throughout the film. I give it a three out of ten because of the abuse, it could have been a good seven otherwise. 

  

Movie review "Angry Birds 3D"...

 

If you are over the age of five-years-old and want to enjoy this movie bring a hammer to hit yourself in the head.  A cartoon movie about an angry bird, that is as deep as it gets.  I give it a nine if you are five years old, a two if you are not.

 

Movie review "Keanu"...

 

A movie written by a cat person stuffed into two hours of Key and Peele skits. Goofiness, murder, drugs, thugs, and cat fetish, if this entertains you, then this is your movie.  I give it a four out of ten as I hate cats and can only stand thirty minutes of Key and Peele at a time.

 

Movie review "The Darkness"...

 

Apparently Kevin Bacon is hard up for money as he is starring in this horror film.  Once again actors are asked to play the dumbest people on earth as a demon wreaks havoc on their lives.  I give it a six out of ten for a few good gotchas and a child I wanted the demons to murder from the start. 

  

Movie review "Captian America: Civil War"....

 

Yet another CGI impregnated move with people in leotards trying to kill each other, but not really. A painfully developed plot to attempt justification of good guys all hating on each other.  I give it a five out of ten for being a fast-paced move to make superheroes look like morons.

 

Movie review "Mother's Day"....

 

Parenthood depicted with wealth porn and actors who have never had kids interpretation of how to raise children. A complete chick flick with predictable plots you could see coming a mile away. I give it a two out of ten for seeing Julia Roberts dressed as a drag queen at the end thinking she was hot... 

 

Movie review "The Huntsman:Winter's War"...

 

Best described as 'Frozen' vs 'Big Bird' in a fight to the death.  The most contrived predictable fairytale I have seen in a long time, this was much worse than the first one. I give it a five out of ten for the amazing scenery and the actors that appeared to be held at gunpoint to do this film.  

 

Movie review "Everybody Wants Some"...

 

An amateur 'Bull Durham' mixed with 'Bad News Bears' set to a college baseball team.  This has to be the worst movie I have seen this year with its strange presentation of college life from an eight-year-old perspective.  I give it a zero out of ten for the fascination the team had with each other's asses.  

 

Movie review "Hardcore Henry"...

 

A non-chick flick that presents a film from a gamers perspective.  Continuous action of killing and jumping and running and fighting and guy stuff. I give it seven out of ten for the first time presentation of a new movie concept.

 

Movie "The Jungle Book"...

 

I hate movies where animals act and talk like humans and humans are animals.  Yet another Disney disaster that will make money due to bored parents needing something to do with their children.  I give it a two out of ten for being forty-something PC while appealing to the mentality of a three-year-old.

 

Movie review "The Boss"...

 

A fun movie with adult sexual comments made throughout that are hilarious.  McCarthy is in fine form with a well-paced comedy that keeps you involved from start to finish.  I give it an eight out of ten for making me burst out laughing more than once.

 

Movie review "Hello, My Name is Doris"...

 

Sally Field returns to the screen to portray a cougar hoarder chasing a millennial. It is a weird movie at best and a strange one at least. I give it a five out of ten for showing how infatuation can make old people act stupid.    

 

Movie review "Criminal"...

 

Kevin Costner once again takes a 'B' script and tries to make an 'A' movie and almost makes it.  The film presented an interesting concept but squandered it with an uneven story.  I give it a six out of ten for watching Costner struggle for two hours on how to present the lead character.

 

Movie review "Eye in the Sky"...

 

A propaganda movie that puts forth the concept that drone missions are never allowed to kill innocent people. The British and American military squabbled for two hours on a strike to protect one child while five of their most wanted are about to get away. I give a three out of ten for fictitious pandering for something that never happens.   

 

Movie review "Mr. Right"...

 

Think of a movie that crosses Deadpool with a chick flick with some comedy mixed in.  The actors had good charisma with each other with a crazy story about finding your one and only true love.  I give it a nine out of ten for the great fights and gunplay along with a happy ending.

 

Movie review "I Saw the Light"....

 

An attractive, under talented British actor attempting to portray a talented hillbilly. An uneven story in which the actor grinned like a possum and murdered a southern accent.  I give it a six out of ten for thinking pretty people can do anything.

 

Movie review "Batman v Superman - Dawn of Justice...

 

A film that puts forth the premise that orphans do not have good people skills and are unable to understand how to get along with each other. A predictable 90% CGI-laden movie that did little more than set up a sequel and presented a story line no one understood.  I give it a seven out of ten for the snazzy outfits and the massive destruction of real estate.

 

Movie review "Whiskey, Tango, Foxtrot"...

 

The initials WTF stands for, WTF were the people thinking that made and starred in this movie. A girl power movie that makes women look like morons.  I give it a three out of ten for the waste of my time and talented people.

 

Movie review "10 Cloverfield Lane"....

 

An abduction movie in which John Goodman is not a nice guy. There was good suspense and the film kept you guessing till the end. I give it and eight out of ten for the freaky ending.

 

Movie review "The Other Side of the Door"...

 

A predictable horror movie where really nice people all turn evil when they die and want to harass their family.  Why do they always have something you are never to do and then the main character simply has to do it? I give it a four out of ten as it did not scare me.

 

Movie review "Triple Nine"...

 

A slow paced police drama i which everyone is either a dirty cop or someone you could care less about.  A completely unbelievable story line that seemed to go on forever. I give it a three out of ten for making the worst cop killers cops.

 

Movie review "London Has Fallen"....

 

Better than the last 'Fallen" with non stop action and gratuitous killing of bad guys. A well paced action movie with several twists and turns that keep you involved.  I give it a seven out of ten for surprising me when I expected a four.  

 

Movie review "God's of Egypt"....


A creative retelling of Egyptian mythology that forms the basis of most religion today. An exciting adventure from start to end with great special effects. I give it an eight out of ten for the costumes, transformations, and gold blood.

 

Movie review "The Witch"...

 

An extremely slow paced movie that seems to have no point or purpose supposedly based on a true story.  Not scary and by the end I was rooting for the witch to please kill everyone. I give it a two out of ten for the exceptional acting of the goat.

 

Movie review "The Brothers Grimsby"...

 

If scrotum sucking, anal elephant rape, anal large rocket launching makes you laugh then you will like this film. 'Ali G' once again makes a somewhat comical movie with several things you wish you could unsee.  I give it a seven out of ten for being funny if you can stomach the above.

 

Movie review "Invade This"...

 

Michael Moore documentary that sees what is happening in other countries.  Biased at times with good points made about certain things. I give it an eight out of ten for making the point that people need to help each other.

 

Movie review "Eddie the Eagle".... 

 

A movie based on a true story of the first Olympic ski jumper that was well done.  A film that explains what it means to be fearless and courageous. I give it a nine out of ten for being a well paced fun movie for the entire family.

 

Movie review "Zoolander 2"...

 

The first movie had a couple of chuckles this had none. This is the worst pile of movie excrement that I have seen in five years. I give it a zero out of ten for being a medium that makes talented people look like fools.

 

 

Movie review "Deadpool"....

 

A funny, action hero, gory, romantic, marvel comic movie that is pedal to the metal from start to finish.  Sometimes it is fun to relax and enjoy a good fun action movie.  I give it a ten out of ten for snarkiness alone. 

 

Movie review "How to be Single".... 

 

A movie about dating and relationships for millennials.  It was better than expected with a few laughs and good points made along the way.  I give it a seven out of ten for keeping me interested all the way till the end. 

 

Movie review "Hail Caesar"...

 

A western, comedy, musical, drama, communist, spy, gossip, Roman, Jesus, gay, movie all warped up in a disaster of a film. The trailer should get an Oscar as it has nothing to do with this huge pile of feces. I give it a one out of ten for allowing the Cohen brothers to stay in the movie business. 

 

Movie review "Jane Got a Gun"...

 

When you have ten minutes of story and no script it results in this two hour agonizingly slow movie. They release the worst movies in February, this is one. I give it a one out of ten for making me wish someone would shoot Jane dead.  

 

Movie review "The Choice"....

 

If I was given the 'choice' of watching this movie again or having nine-inch nails driven through my eyes, I would take the nails. A "we hate each other till we make passionate love" movie. I give it a two out of ten for taking half grown chihuahuas and pretending they are labrador puppies. 

 

Movie review "Fifty Shades of Black"....

 

If you liked 'Scary Movie' then you will appreciate the silly comedy in the film.  A lot of goofy mixed in with some really funny lines and spanking.  I give it an eight out of ten for the over the knee scene alone.  

 

Movie review "The Boy"....

 

A fun scary movie that mixes 'Jason' with 'Chucky'.  Maggie from Walking Dead makes her start in the lead role as a baby sitter to a weird doll. I give it a nine out of ten for keeping me in suspense until the end. 

 

Movie review "Anomalisa".... 

 

A creepy puppet film in which all the women have men's voices to save money. A slow paced uninteresting movie about stuff I care not to watch.  I give it a three out of ten for the way to much puppet dick.

 

Movie review "The Finest Hour"....

 

Someone thought it would be cool to ram a chick flick of the backside of a rescue at sea movie. A very slow paced but a dramatic depiction of one of the greatest Coastguard exploits. I give it a seven out of ten for not drowning the chick.  

 

 

Movie review "Dirty Grandpa"...

 

A cute movie in which De Niro and Efron had absolutely no chemistry.  The film had some great lines and funny scenes to make it worth watching. I give it a seven out of ten for being less when it could have been so much more. 

 

Movie review "Ride Along 2"....

 

Two hours of a person trying too hard to be obnoxious, silly and stupid. The first "Ride Along" was kind of cute and funny this one was irritating.  I give it a one out of ten for watching the slow demise of Kevin Hart's career.   

 

 

Movie review "Pride, Prejudice and Zombies"...

 

What would happen if you mixed 'Walking Dead" with 'Downton Abbey'. An excellent reinterpretation with amazing costumes and romantic story lines.  I give it an eight out of ten for a fun, gory, drama, romantic, adventure movie.   

 

Movie review "Daddy's Home"....

 

If you like Will Ferrell then you will love this move. A cute comedy that deals with stepdad's and the issues that surround them. I give it a seven out of ten for being a feel-good movie with a happy ending.

 

Movie review "13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi...

 

A penis waving turkey shoot of Muslims with AK-47s. A cacophony of macho statements mixed with bad decisions and jumbled camera battle scenes.  I give it a four out of ten for being too long and making me secretly root for the rebels to win.

 

Movie review "The Forrest"....

 

A wanna be Japanese horror film in which scary faces jump out at you when you most expect it.  So paced and completely predictable in which you wish for bad things to happen to the heroin. I give it a two out of ten for making me want to go to the Forrest and kill myself.

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Reviews for 2016 that are updated on a weekly basis.  I generally see movies one to two weeks before they come out so check here before you go, to see my latest reviews.

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2016 Movie REVIEWS

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